Alright, so technology is awesome. We got electric cars that go toe to toe with gas guzzlers and everybody and their moms want in on the Tesla Model 3. That’s American innovation at its finest. But what about on the other side of the globe? What kind of genius has been brewing over there? Greatness, just pure greatness that TRUMPS any news we could have about the presidential debate.
Japan’s gaming company, Nintendo, is one of the greatest innovators of our time. Truly, it’s a great time to be alive when you can choose to be entertained and satisfied in the safety of your home as well as having the luxury to be bouncing around and about on the streets. YES. Nintendo has announced the release date for their next generation console, (previously codenamed ‘The NX’) Nintendo Switch for March 2017. THAT’S LESS THAN HALF A YEAR AWAY. I don’t want to piss people off. (Actually I do. It’s actually kind of entertaining, almost as much as this next system is going to be.) But this is going to be WAY better than the Gamecube. You thought that thing was cool? Get out of here. Nintendo 64 got nothing on this behemoth and what it’s promising to do. Also, extreme side note: FUCK TRUMP. Anyway, the Switch is Nintendo’s answer to both the jump after the 3DS and the WiiU. which were really version 1.5 of their predecessors, the DS and Wii, respectively. This time, they changed up the formula entirely, they said, “WHY HAVE TWO SEPARATE FORMULAE WHEN WE CAN COMBINE THEM FUCKERS AND CONTINUE TO FATTEN THAT CASH COW, 2 FOLD.” Or is it exponential? Genius.
With the ability to seemingly seamlessly switch between handheld and console modes, the Switch is promising the ability for anyone to play at any moment’s notice. Home alone? Play. Friend’s place? Play. Road trip? Play. Bathroom? Play. Sex? Play. BATHROOM SEX? PLAAYYYY!!!! Okay, maybe not that last one. But then again, WHY NOT? When you break them control pads due to your intense fuck sessions, don’t worry cause you can easily replace them. Genius.
With the promising licensing that Nintendo has on some of the most fun and iconic games, the possibilities for fun are endless. LEGEND OF ZELDA? (Which looks absolutely gorgeous, by the way) SUPER SMASH SWITCH?!!!??!?!!! FIRE EMBLEM?!!! POKEMON SUN AND MOON!!!!!! AND POKEMON ECLIPSE?? MARIO KART? ALL THOSE NINTENDO LAND GAMES FROM THE WII U LIKE MARIO CHASE AND THAT AWESOME CANDY GAME CALLED SWEET CHASE!!!! At this point, as long as you have an imagination as great as America’s, you’re looking at a good time in this next beautiful year and beyond, regardless of if somehow we prove all the other nation’s greatest fear to be true: that we actually, with majority, support an ass fuck like trump. (lowercase on purpose) Yes, we can go to CANADIA(sic) or even Japan or Hong Kong or maybe France and still enjoy our lives with the Switch.
Just watch the ad below and you’ll see wassup.
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